Alf (alfinator) wrote in known_by_love,

What if's

Joyce Meyer talked about that this morning - I caught her program at 6am. And no I am not up early, I got up almost two hours later than on a work day. LOL!

What she was saying about what if's is that we tend to look at the negative side of them more than the positive. What if I fail? What if people don't like me for doing this? What if I mess it all up? Well, here is the flip side. What if I succeed? What if people do like me for doing this? What if I pull it off flawlessly?

Every time we take a step in life that could change it we do feel fear. I know I get nervous every time I get up in front of people to do anything. How has God helped me with this in my short walk with Him? I actually joined a drama club at my last church and even if I did not actually get to play my part in the play due to being gone to find a job and not sure if I'd be there for the play, I found I could get up there and act, mess up my lines, and still keep on trying.

The other way has been at my new church with my violin playing. I do solo's as the special music service now and then as work schedule permits and the schedule of all the others that wish to share. The first song I did was Amazing Grace and I had that memorized. Now when I went up front I wound up losing my place in the song and had to restart using the sheet music. Now I take the sheet music and use it regardless of having it memorized just as something to keep my attention on what I am doing instead of noting everyone out there listening. The second time I played I wound up gritting my teeth because I missed quite a few notes. Now this third time I only screwed up one note, found myself smiling more than gritting my teeth, and not overly worried about how it sounded. Yes, I still worried some, but as I get up in front of people for one reason or another more and more, the fear of what they think is gone.

In the end fear will drag us done if we let it think negatively about anything we try to do or any change that we face in life. I'm probably always going to wind up nervous before a public perfomance on my violin, but I don't have to fear fear. I can hand the fear over to God, take His hand to help me out, and really do some amazing things. I really doubt I would be playing my violin for anyone if I didn't have God helping me do so.

In the end dealing with fear and what if's boils down to what Romans 8:31 says: "If God is for us, who can be against us?" I sure know when I let past influences rule me more than what God wants I wind up falling on my face. Basically I am my own worse enemy if I forget to do what God wants me to or to call on Him when I need Him. Thankfully He'll pick me up, brush me off, and tell me which way to go to learn from whatever error I just made. Of course, sometimes we error due to ignorance (I.E. not knowing the whole story due to only having what we have heard, seen, etc before). In those cases God will show you a path to where you learn something that helps give you a fuller view on things.

Without God I would not be surviving all this change! I even think some of the things in my life are His doing so I can learn to change. Praise God for that! Looking back I hated myself and thus I knew not how to love anything and wound up miserable and angry all the time. Excuse my language, but I really was a bitch!

Now to keep working on things to continue this change for the better! I'm sure I'll blunder a few more times in life and offend someone, step on their toes, or whatever, but at least one little bit at a time the Holy Spirit is showing me which way I was supposed to be going each time I fell. ::grins:: I actually fear Him not helping me and teaching me more than anything else because I definitely don't want to fall back to what I was. BLECK!
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